JessieShires.com

Entries from October 2009

So you think you’re sooooo smart, eh?

October 31, 2009 · 1 Comment

I love being reminded that the universe has a sense of humor. It keeps me humble. No sooner did I click “publish” on that last post, then that old scratchy-throat, run-down, uh-oh feeling hit me again. I tapped-tappy-tapped away on some acupressure points, gargled salt water, thought happy thoughts, and got run over by a sinus infection freight train anyway. So today I’m parked on the couch (being upright helps with the breathing, if just a little), trying to corral enough hypoxic brain cells to make sense out of a book while gulping endless cups of hot tea and hacking up things that really are better left undescribed.

Sometimes you just have to laugh about these things.

Categories: Dispatches From the Front
Tagged:

I Touch Myself

October 29, 2009 · 1 Comment

Here’s an extraordinary fact for you: New Mexico is the first–and, to my knowledge is still the only–state to add acupressure to the EMS scope of practice. I attended an acupressure seminar at this year’s EMS state conference, and learned points for treating shortness of breath, high blood pressure, anxiety, nausea, and other common complaints. One of the instructors, Deb Boehme, had some especially compelling stories about using acupressure in the field. She does disaster relief work, and talked about being in New Orleans in Katrina’s aftermath, when supplies and medications had run out while the patients were only multiplying. A girl was brought to the medical tent with a bad asthma attack–a potentially fatal situation–and there was no medication to treat her. Deb used acupressure to break the attack and return the girl’s breathing to normal, demonstrating the power of this ancient modality to the incredulous western physician in the medical tent. Touching points on the girl’s back and chest stopped the inflammation taking over her lungs, and reopened her rapidly closing air passages. This is something that science will tell you can’t really happen.

Modalities like acupressure are incredibly democratic. They are the people’s medicine. Any person can be taught to locate points for common ailments, and can heal themselves with simple touch. It’s empowering to literally take your healing into your own hands like that, to trust yourself with something you previously ascribed to the unreachable, vaguely mystic realm of The Doctor.

A few weeks ago, I felt myself coming down with the crud, that seasonal head cold or flu-y ick that usually gets me at least once every time the weather turns cold. I had the sore throat that always, inevitably, and inexorably means I’m about to feel pretty poopy for at least a few days. You know that sore throat–once it appears, you can’t evade what’s coming. Or so I thought. Some meditation, some nasal irrigation, some pressure on my thymus points and spleen points, and the next morning I woke, not to mucus or cough or fever, but to nothing. The sore throat was gone, and nothing but normal good health had followed it. Science will tell you this didn’t really happen.

Two simple acupressure points on my back have done what no amount of ibuprofen, heating pads, bourbon, masturbation, or fervent hoping have ever done: consistently cured menstrual cramps, and in just a matter of minutes. This is monumental. And–you guessed it–science will tell you it didn’t really happen.

I’ve been asked many times why I went into EMS. The answer has really only come in retrospect, but it goes something like this: I have always been interested in medicine. I thought long and hard about going to medical school or nursing school, even going so far as to get into a program and then pulling out just before classes started. I couldn’t have stated this at the time, but the reason I was unconsciously holding back from committing to this path was that it wasn’t medicine I was really interested in–it was healing that drew me, and that, ironically, is not something western medicine does very well. But before I figured that out, I did commit to EMS. What kept me from turning away from it, too? Probably the fact that EMS and emergency medicine are the one area in which I believe western medicine actually is appropriate and can offer something of great value to patients. But for day-to-day good health, I’m coming more and more to rely almost solely on so-called “alternative” modalities. Kinesiology saved me when endocrinology and internal medicine abandoned me. Polarity restores me, and acupressure staves off illness and pain. Meditation is like vitamins, but free. Food is medicine, and my dollars go to local farmers rather than drug companies. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. Long live the woowoo.

The interwebs have made it easier than ever to gain knowledge, to broaden horizons, to connect with like-minded folks. It’s where I learned the cramps points, and it’s where I found a supplier of fermented cod liver oil to replace my synthetic vitamin D tablets. It’s a vast resource, and a tool to use in your own empowerment. Learn what you can, and learn to trust what you know and can do. The proverb, updated, should read: Person, heal thyself. Because you really can.

Categories: Good Medicine
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And to your right…

October 23, 2009 · 2 Comments

…you’ll see evidence that this lil Luddite has figured out just a thing or two about how this crazy blogosphere works. Please direct your attention to the new subscription features at the top of the sidebar. We all know how quickly the ole bookmarks list can grow, and not everyone has an office job with hours to kill surfing. Subscribe by email or RSS feed (yeah, I didn’t really know that that was, either), and get new content hot off the presses each and every time I post. Thanks for stopping by!

Categories: Dispatches From the Front
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Two-wheel love

October 20, 2009 · 3 Comments

bike stoplight
Back in ‘96 or ‘97, Volkswagen ran a limited edition model of the Jetta, called the Trek. They gave away a free Trek bicycle with the car. My boyfriend at the time already owned a much nicer bike, so he gave me his Trek Jetta. It wasn’t fancy, and it was far too small for me (I didn’t really know at the time how much difference that made), but it was my ride throughout college and my early 20’s, following me to I forget how many homes in four different states. Its chain rings ate the leg of a favorite pair of pants when I forgot to roll them up. It bore silent, un-mocking witness to my first lung-busting singletrack ride at elevation, just a week after I’d moved from parts lower. It took me around town and back home again, and I repaid it by letting it squeak squeak squeak away, developing tiny islands of rust here and there. It met the demise of so many bikes in Albuquerque when it was stolen out of my back yard almost four years ago. I never got to apologize for my rank neglect.

After several bikeless months, my Man Friend took me bike shopping. Thankfully, he’s better at staving off shopping fatigue than I, and we made the rounds of the bike shops in town. Gary Fisher and Giant and Raleigh, oh my! Everything felt great, simply by virtue of being the right size for me. What a revelation! I used a convoluted, impromptu vocabulary to describe the different bikes, dubbing them beefy, butch, insubstantial, squirrely, lumbering, cramped, crisp, or dense. A few were definite no’s, but the maybe list kept getting longer and longer. You’ll know it when you ride it, my shopping taskmaster companion assured me. Apparently bikes are a lot like art or porn.

But he was right. At the first pedal stroke of the Rockhopper, I grinned and couldn’t stop. A love affair had begun, and, as with all mature relationships, my new love benefited from my past mistakes. In the last three years, I’ve learned how to take care of my bike. My mother’s foresight in giving me oilcloth kitchen aprons has proved fortuitous–I’ve found they double quite nicely as bike mechanic aprons (thanks, mom!). I’ve upgraded a few components, which felt like a big deal–you know, something real cyclists do. I’ve trimmed her down for commuting and errand-running, and she’s by now logged thousands of miles around Albuquerque.

I’ve dabbled, off and on over the years, in running. It always seems like such a good idea, flying down a path, putting one foot in front of the other, moving over the ground under your own power. I’ve fantasized about running the Caldera Marathon. I even have dreams about running. But the reality is never quite as attractive. For one, I have the delicate stride of an overweight elephant, matched with some anatomy-experiment-gone-wrong feet. Pounding the pavement becomes far too literal, and my joints stage a protest.

But put a girl on a bicycle, and it doesn’t matter how unsoftly she walks.

What I love about cycling is much the same as why I go for a long hike every chance I get: moving through space, propelled only by your own muscles and blood and breath is powerful. Sure, you can waste the experience by focusing on how much slower you are than someone else, or how you’re breathing like a steam engine and you look fat in these shorts and oh my god I’m so out of shape why am I doing this ? Sure you can. I’ve done those things. Or you can have this epiphany and learn to revel in your own physical power, slight though it may be at this moment. The epiphany, for me, was this:

Fitness is not only for the fit.

Neither you nor I will be on the cover of Runner’s World anytime soon. So what? You and I have the same equipment as that cover model, and if you can set aside the judgment that comes with red-faced huffing and puffing your way up that hill while you squish out of your clothes in a few places, then you can appreciate it. Feel how your muscles move in exactly the same way, transporting you from there to here. Feel the energy that flows through you, the breath that fills your lungs, the heart that pushes blood out to your developing muscles. Do this hike, this walk, this bike ride twenty more times, then feel how it’s a little easier to breathe; put your fingers on the more defined mass of quads beneath your skin. Look around you; appreciate what it means to be outdoors and to be in motion. Remember that you really are doing a bold thing, and one that far too few folks make it a point to do. Start a passionate love affair with things that make you sweat. One day you’ll catch yourself admiring your own little muscles in the mirror, and then you won’t be able to stop that moving.

Two months ago, my own love affair reached a new milestone. I bought my first road bike. I call her Sexy. She’s like a gazelle that I can saddle up and push around with my two feet. I had a formal fitting today at my favorite shop, putting the magic of geometry to work in my employ, heightening my efficiency and comfort in the saddle. After each adjustment made me that much happier about being on the bike and that much more ready to be on it more often, I’m wondering how anyone puts their two wheels away for the winter. You make your own heat when you pedal–and there’s no sitting in the driveway waiting for the thing to warm up. Cover your more delicate bits, and you’re ready to go. I’m just sayin’… performance fabrics, like beer, are proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.

Go play outside. Grin so hard you have to pick bugs out of your teeth later. Replace all thoughts of fat or slow or can’t with a simple yippee! It really is an effective eraser. So are high-fives–my friend Johnny taught me that. Maybe this Gutter Bunny will see you out there.

Edited to add: Check out this article from Bicycling Magazine. The research being done on how exercise benefits kids with ADHD is pretty darn uplifting.

Categories: Two Wheels
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Land Wars in Asia

October 16, 2009 · 1 Comment

I’ve added the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America to my sidebar, and I hope you’ll join me in supporting their work. If you wonder why they and those who are doing similar work are needed, if you believe that our government actually Supports Our Troops, read this article, just the most recent I’ve read of many that will break your heart and piss you off and perhaps inspire you to leave a flaming bag of dog poo on Cheney’s door step, should you live in a gated community just this side of Hades.

Or you could just pray to your preferred deity that Obama will live up to that Nobel and get us the fuck out of our various, still-undeclared wars. Just because we fell victim to one of the classic blunders doesn’t mean we have to keep blundering.

I and my family have a vested interest in this. I can’t tell the story here, for it’s not mine to share, but I can say this: it provokes a righteous anger in me to think of how my country has dishonored the Warrior spirit of those called to serve. I may not agree with the particulars of this conflict, but I believe in the nobility and correctness of the Warrior–and that nobility is betrayed when our Warriors are sent to war under less-than-honorable circumstances, and when they are abandoned in their time of greatest need.

So, please support IAVA, Soldier’s Heart, and folks who are doing work like them. Read The Sun’s interview with Edward Tick and have hope. Petition your representatives, say a prayer, and listen to those who have returned. No war ever happens only Over There; it is always here among us, and we ignore that to our shame.

Categories: Commentary + Philosophy
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She’ll Be Coming ‘Round The Mountain

October 15, 2009 · 3 Comments

The intersection of modern life and the sapiens of this particular Homo is a place of increasing tension. Right action is becoming increasingly difficulty to suss out. The more I learn about the roots of every product I consume, the more I see my small part of the Big Problem we’re in.

Every time I flip a light switch, I’m reminded of what’s being done to the place of my birth, the mountains that are the home of my heart.

I grew up in a rural area of southwestern Virginia, in a county that missed out on the dubious fortune of having riches of coal beneath its soil. But the mountains I love, the mountains that are in my skin and bone and blood, are but one part of a great body of earth–a body I love as much as my own–and that body is being torn apart by the greed of our kind.

I don’t believe in hell, but there are special kinds of evil that make me understand why some people invented such a place. The creators of landmines, which lie in the ground to maim and kill long after the fleeting conflict is over, have committed one such evil. Likewise the inventors and perpetrators of genetically modified seeds, child sexual tourism, and the CAFO.

Those who practice mountaintop removal are also in that handbasket.

What possesses a person to visit a rain of destruction on a place solely for the sake of making money? How did we come to value a printed piece of paper over the abundance of life before us? What perversity of spirit leads us to believe that we have the right to obliterate a mountain that Nature took millions of years to make, just so we can power our teevees and hair dryers and microwave ovens?

The ignorance and evil I see around me–and my complicity in it, willful or accidental–makes me want to crawl under a rock or Bo tree or guillotine. But neither escape nor transcendence nor penance will put us any closer to Making Things Right.

First, open your eyes. Atrocities are being committed in your name. I know you never asked to be part of the Rape of Appalachia. Even the humblest among us must power our refrigerators, and, while we can choose among fifty types of toilet paper, most of us can’t choose where our power company gets its power. This is but one of many savage perversities we have inherited.

Neither you nor I will repair this situation, though I will admit to grandiose, flaming-sword-of-justice fantasies from time to time. So what’s a thinking person to do, in the face of such wrong behavior?

Turn off yer goddamn teevee, for one (and the benefits of that one act are more far-reaching than you can imagine). Unplug it, for good measure. Reduce your own complicity, then take up the flaming sword of your pen, and support folks like the ones here, whether with checks or blog posts or spreading the gospel, old-timey style.

After that, it’s up to you. Community art project? Guerrilla neighborhood works? Meditating for peace? Feed your neighbor, crochet scarves for the homeless, teach someone to read. These seem like such tiny splinters of protest to wield against powers that can level mountains, but without a steady trickle of water we wouldn’t have the Grand Canyon.

Categories: Commentary + Philosophy
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Feed Me, See More

October 15, 2009 · 3 Comments

This post is part of Fight Back Fridays.

This post is part of Fight Back Fridays.

I had that conversation again. You know the one: “I’d love to eat more healthy, but it’s just so expensive.” I certainly don’t fault the people who say things like this. In fact, I prefer to think of these declarations as hopeful signs–these folks have at least thought about changing their diet, and that’s farther than a lot of people have gotten.

What makes this conversation amusing for me is that it usually happens while I’m eating an absurdly cheap and tasty meal–in this most recent instance, I was enjoying some red beans & rice (courtesy of the Crock Pot… home cooking really doesn’t get any easier than that, people!) and some steamed red kale. The entire batch cost less than ten bucks to make and fed the two of us for a week, meaning the portion in front of me cost maybe a dollar, and probably less. Sure, that $7.99 block of raw goat milk cheddar is pricier than Kraft, and the local, organic lamb is a splurge, but all told, I eat pretty cheaply. It helps that I do the vast majority of my shopping in the produce section, and I buy the bare minimum of processed foods (Lara Bars being a notable exception–sometimes the only food I have time for at work has to be the packaged, eat-with-one-hand-while-charting variety).

But that doesn’t mean I miss out, or that I subsist on twigs and berries. I suppose if I were accustomed to a steady supply of hyper-seasoned, heavily salted, processed foods, this diet would come as a shock. But the palate, like everything else about the human body, is remarkably adaptable. And once adjusted to the subtle, rich flavors of real food, I guarantee you’ll never miss Micky Dee’s again.

This afternoon, I unpacked the groceries on the kitchen counter, and stood back to admire the view before I stowed it all. The co-op’s produce section makes me giddy in the way other women only feel inside a shoe store, and today’s haul showed it: purple-black figs, emerald greens, and blushing apples nestled alongside jewel-like cherry tomatoes, wine-dark beets, pale jade artichokes, and the deceptively neutral tan of a fat butternut squash. A mauve-pink chunk of ham, a jug of local goat’s milk, and a few creamy nubs of cheese rounded out the take. To my thinking, we’ll be eating like kings for the next few days, and the tab was less than we’d spend on the average dinner-drinks-and-a-movie date night.

Tonight, in preparation for the coming work week, I put on some good music, poured a tasty beverage, and set to cooking. Most of the work is prep, trimming and seeding and chopping. With the windows open and cool air swirling around the hot stove, I indulged (and it really does feel like an indulgence rather than a chore) in some serious–and seriously simple–domestic therapy.

Butternut Squash 010

Vegetables shouldn’t be toyed with. Most (might I venture all?) of them are terrific just lightly steamed, highlighting their flavor and bringing out their natural colors. The simplest rule of healthy eating that I know is this: make a rainbow on your plate. Just get as many colors in there that you can, and you’re doing it right. This photo is partway through my steamfest, while the artichokes and beet greens are still on deck. In my favorite serving bowl, the sunset-orange of the squash plays off the high-summer-green of the broccoli, and the beets, messy kid sister, bleed onto them both. Channel Bob Ross: make a palette on your plate, different every time, and you can’t go wrong.

And a word about that squash… Butternut squash orange might just be my favorite color of all.

Butternut Squash Puree

Did you ever get to lick the beater after your mom put a cake in the oven? I tell you, it’s like the prize before the dessert. In our house, licking the beater was a time-honored tradition, complicated by the fact that there were two beaters and three kids (the spoon saved the day as the handy third in the lick equation). Tonight, half of that gorgeous, tangerine-flame-copper-gold butternut got folded into a generous helping of butter, and when I handed a beater off to the Man Friend to lick, he asked if I was baking a cake. A vegetable that tastes like dessert… what’s not to love?

And a word about that butter… until I get around to making my own, Kerrygold is my butter of choice. Years ago, I went to Ireland as a WWOOF volunteer. The farm I worked at gave me many firsts: my first dip in the frigid Irish ocean, my first encounter with peat fires, my first in-country Guinness, and my first taste of Irish butter. The last was, without question, the biggest revelation of all. A child of America, a child of progress and the modern way, I’d never tasted such butter. It rocked my world, and still does. When I found it for sale here, all these years later, I think I teared up in the dairy aisle. I may not be able to enjoy it on a thick slice of soft, chewy, warm bread anymore, but it still holds an honored place in my refrigerator.

And so, to return to our original topic, it’s hard for me to fathom how this diet seems out of reach for so many people. My plate of gem-hued vegetables fills me like no combo meal ever could. The nub of real butter slowly melting into the sunset-colored flesh of a squash feels decadent; likewise the artisanal cheese, the organic meat, the local fruits. I find that smaller portions of this food fill me up, and the connection I get to the food producers expands my little world in ways that few other things can. When every meal feels like a treat, deprivation is the last thing on my mind. And the price tag for a week’s worth of food? Smaller than two trips to Carl’s Jr for a family of four. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the steaming plate of rainbows over the drive-thru bounty any day.

Categories: My Belly
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Urban Fable

October 13, 2009 · 4 Comments

This is a work of fiction. If it weren’t a work of fiction, and if I were writing about actual events, the following might imply that I had foreknowledge of certain potentially criminal acts and could identify the perpetrators of same. And so, it is fiction.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Once upon a time, in a bustling metropolis not all that far away, there was a neighborhood bar. A modest place, it was home to only a few tables and chairs, and boasted none of the amenities of the flashier places down the street. It was stuffy and hot in the summer, and bands next door pummeled its walls with aggressive bass year-round. It was a curiosity for most who passed by its doors, but for those who stepped inside, it was home.

As the years passed, the little bar built a loyal following, and a community sprang up in its fertile, beery soil. Couples paired and split. Friends and strangers fed each other at potlucks. Birthdays and graduations were marked within its walls, all revelers welcome. Dogs milled about underfoot. Regulars died and were memorialized around its taps. And through it all, the steady stream of familiar faces filed to and fro through the little bar’s one door. They came on foot, on skateboard, and by car, but even more they came by bike. Sometimes there were rows of bicycles three or four deep, buffering the bar’s windows from the street. All along the block, bicycles were tethered to street signs, patiently awaiting their tipsy owners’ return. The bicycles, maybe more than anything, signaled that this place was a local’s place, a neighbor’s place. The happy faces inside called this little part of the city home.

And so it came to pass that one day, the long and clumsy arms of bureaucracy reached toward the little bar’s block. One day, all the street signs were hacked off at the knees, leaving a de-forest of three-foot-tall sign stumps poking out of mute concrete. For days, the spindly nubs stood in the sidewalk, conspicuously useless. And then even they were gone. Inexplicably, the City–capital C–razed every post on this one block that might be suitable for bike hitching. The traffic patterns didn’t change, but the traffic signs were suddenly deemed obsolete. On the little bar’s entire block, not one place was left to secure a bike while its owner sipped a brew with friends and neighbors.

Inside the little bar, the patrons speculated about the street signs’ demise. Plague was ruled out, as the street signs all around remained untouched. The systematic, stepwise manner of their removal likewise excluded tragic accident as a cause of death. It was bewildering, but it seemed obvious: the razing of the block was an act of aggression against the bicycles. Why else purge signage when their messages remained unchanged? The No Parking zones still prohibited stopping or standing; the Fire Lanes were still reserved for emergency vehicles. Why cut down these official reminders on just this one block?

For weeks, the little bar and its patrons adapted. Bicycles now waited for their owners blocks away, chained to some lonely post far from the reach of the bar’s lone neon sign. The beer continued to flow, and the drinkers still walked through the door to sip and talk and sip and talk. The denuded block didn’t change anyone’s behavior. But still, something didn’t seem quite right. Now the bar faced only lanes of car traffic, just like most other bars around. The hole where the bicycles used to be gaped wide, and the bar seemed to feel it. Without the bicycles, the bar had lost something.

One day, some bar folk came together to discuss how to close that hole. Being variously acquainted with the inept flailings of the bureaucratic arms, and the deafness of the ears to which they were attached, the citizens settled on a more direct approach. And so, on a particularly lovely fall day, certain of them donned orange safety vests (the better to fool the arms’ eyes) and set to work. When their hammer drill quieted, the block wasn’t so bare. In elegant curves of metal tucked up against the little bar’s wall, a simple rack welcomed back the bicycles. And, once built, they came. The next day, ranks of bicycles once again filed under the neon glow–road bike, mountain bike, commuter bike, they came. The bar community closed up a hole in the community bar, and the patrons are still toasting the feat.

One day the City might banish the rack to some scrap heap, in the name of preserving tidy sidewalks and civic order. Meanwhile, the village that congregates inside these walls flourishes, thanks in no small part to the untidy jumble of bikes arrayed at its door, ready to convey friends and neighbors and fellow travellers to or fro under some soft desert night.

Categories: Dispatches From the Front · Two Wheels
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Where Does It Hurt?

October 10, 2009 · 1 Comment

On Thursday, I shut my hand in the car door. The latch clicked home and the door was fully seated in its frame when it hit me–not pain, but the cold realization that intense pain was imminent and inevitable.

This moment has always fascinated me (and I’ve had more than one occasion to experience it myself): How can something so instantaneous as pain have a time delay just when it should be at its worst? Papercuts, bashed knuckles, stubbed toes–these insults don’t wait to howl their pain signals down your every nerve pathway. That pain lights up the brain before it even knows exactly what’s happened to cause it.

But this pain, this pain is patient. It waits for the mind to do its thousand-thoughts-at-once thing before it settles in to throb throb throb away. When the door closed, I didn’t gasp or curse or yell. In that instant, the implications of the decisive *click* of the latch while my fingers were where they shouldn’t have been crystallized in vivid, absurd detail. I thought of cartoon fingers steam-rollered flat, and almost laughed.

With my digits mashed between two unforgiving sheets of molded metal, I almost laughed.

While nursing my wounds later in the day, I pulled out my copy of Pain: The Fifth Vital Sign. This one’s due for a re-read, and now it was apropos. Jackson points out early in the book that pain is, above all, an emotional response. We can’t isolate the science of pain, the hard, rational facts of neurochemistry and biology, from the purely subjective, ever-changing, emotional response of the pained. Pain may tap into great, deep wells of fear or anxiety or anger, and it may give no warning or make any sense at all that it does.

The pain of shutting my hand in the car door touched ever so briefly into my own fears of disability–as I thought of cartoon manglings, I was also thinking of splints and return-to-work exams. I thought of how many Paramedic and Mountain Rescue skills I could still pull off minus a few working fingers. All this came and went in the twinkling of a few neurons, and, just before the pain blossomed and flared in my hand, I almost laughed.

Crazy, but pain is one of the few sure-fire ways to at least temporarily short-circuit one’s better judgment. There is nothing rational about the first hot blush of pain–in fact, it’s a pretty effective reason-eraser. There’s even less sense or logic about the long drag of chronic pain. The left brain gets pulled into the mess on the back end, when we’re trying to make sense or assess damage or talk ourselves out of feeling the pain. And then they become strange bedfellows, the sensible and the sensual. Primal things don’t take well to fences or leashes or ultimatums, though they can reach a sort of agreement or partnership. A balance. As with all things, balance can accomplish so much more than any one-sided force, no matter how brute.

I read an essay once in The Sun about a woman’s experience being bitten by a rattlesnake. She wrote about refusing pain medication in the early, agonizing hours when the venom was invading the tissues of her leg, and of how important it was for her to experience the fullness of that pain, to know through experience the exact extent of the damage. It’s a trusting, brave, bold way to approach so rich a thing as pain, and it resonated with me.

So maybe all that was there, subtly informing how I reacted in those first few nanoseconds, before I moved on to the just-as-quick realization that opening the door was probably going to hurt more than closing it had. Or maybe I almost laughed because it didn’t hurt that bad after all. That’s probably the most tricky thing about pain: it’s slippery. After it has evaporated or dulled to a background static, it can be damn near impossible to remember what, exactly, all the fuss was about.

The fingers, by the way, are going to be fine. And not at all cartoonish–though, I must admit, that would be a cool party trick.

Categories: Good Medicine
Tagged:

Unwind, Geek Out

October 6, 2009 · 3 Comments

True story: When I was in high school, one of my classmates found it incredibly amusing to accuse me of writing in fonts. “What font are you using today?” he’d ask. I didn’t feel particularly defensive about my handwriting; mainly, I just felt a little lame because I never did come up with a snappy name for my font.

True story: In that same high school, my chemistry teacher would pay me to address all her Christmas cards over lunch break. I used my plain, everyday font, which seemed quite good enough for her. I appreciated the cash, but she did make us listen to the Mannheim Steamroller holiday album during labs all through the month of December, which erased some of that warm fuzzy feeling.

True story: I’ve wondered for most of my reading life how writers can bring themselves to choose the right font for their books. It always seem such a crucial decision, made paralyzingly difficult by the sheer number of fonts available. I mean, your book will say the same thing no matter what, but it will also communicate something subtly different with every new font. Where does one even begin? (In that vein, I do love it when books include a note on the history of the chosen typeface. It makes me believe someone else agonizes over the same details.)

More trues: My handwriting changes pretty drastically from day to day. Graphology buffs might tell you that I have something to hide, or that my pen betrays an occult tendency toward erratic behavior. I’d counter that I probably should have been a type designer.

Helvetica

Last night, I capped another twelve-hour Friday (my Friday, anyhow) with a tasty adult beverage, bilateral dog snuggles, and a documentary fest. The queue gremlins over at Netflix deemed it time to send Helvetica my way, and I didn’t argue with them. So far, they’ve been pretty right on with their selections.

Helvetica is a movie about a font (typeface, really, but I think font won out in this age of MS Word). That’s it.

You can click back to failblog now for some real entertainment.

Still here? Good. Seriously, if you’ve ever just stared at something because its line, its form was hypnotically perfect–words, letters, yes, but anything with a shape could fall into this category–then you will appreciate this film. I loved the way seemingly sane, rational individuals positively gushed about the shape of Helvetica, and the pure poetry that they used to describe how a well-crafted font is more than just letters.

Truthfully, I’m not a fan of Helvetica. Never have been. Probably because of its now-ubiquitous, corporate associations, Helvetica feels like plastic. It’s tasteless, neutral, devoid of personality. A designer in the film declares that Helvetica is “like the air.” He seems to mean it as a compliment, though, to my thinking, venerating Helvetica is akin to celebrating a well-constructed plastic shopping bag. They’re both utilitarian, distinctly modern but strangely timeless, easily attached to a logo or corporate identity, just as easily forgotten, and, above all, common as dirt. Helvetica is the lowest common denominator of fonts. While that may have its own certain kind of genius, it’s also part of the consuming banality of pop culture. (I’ve never been a Warhol fan, either… can you tell?)

That being said, I was fascinated by how the filmmakers used Helvetica as an entrĂ©e into a more general exploration of what purpose a font serves and into how form dictates our response. Just as a person who dots her I’s with little hearts or writes in a loopy, third-grade cursive will seem frivolous on paper, so will choice of typeface communicate content before you’ve even read its words.

There was a floral shop near the university here in town that used the Papyrus typeface for its signage. I can’t tell you why, exactly, but it always drove me crazy. It seemed wrong, but not for a simple clash of aethestic preferences. It seemed to indicate a certain laziness, or inattention to detail. Or perhaps I’ve had too much of the snobby kool-aid, and the poor proprietor just liked the way it looked. Either way, this place set itself apart from all other flower shops not with its name, but with how it said its name.

Form, that sycophant, may follow function, but perception is form’s shadow, always there, no matter which way the sun is shining.

The What Font Are You? quiz tells me I’m Courier.

I hate Courier.

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