Monthly Archives: March 2011

Origin

I want to come to these mountains like god
with the patience to see stone
from the beginning, a mind
that holds all at once
the nothing
becoming
points of light
becoming
magma and plates.
Their inexorable movement
a thunderous up
then grain by grain down
rock weeping slow dry tears of itself
into wet valleys.

This stream is not a heart
the water it pushes from
inside the mountain
not blood.

But my god ear can hear
the long inhale of seed to tree
the deep sigh out as
wood makes soil
and it seems obvious that
where there are lungs
filling
emptying
there is also a pulse
undulating under this mineral skin.

Time’s coiled backbone
bends to touch itself.
Did the sky have a heartbeat,
before we were under it
or in it?

An orange twilight offers
a moon of bone to
stars who remember
its pale body
slick with birth
its first windless breath
over unmarked land.

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Everyone else is doing it

Hot on the heels of my musing about building sustainably in town or out comes a piece in the local paper about someone else’s similar journey. Here’s something I like about being back in this area: on Sunday, my fella and I pulled up a couple of bar stools at one of our neighborhood watering holes, and had yet another “Don’t I know you from Wilson?” moment with the barkeep. This happens pretty regularly ’round here. It’s been over a decade, so I’m a little rusty on a few names, but Wilsonites always seem happy for a mini-reunion.

After the first hoppy pints had been poured, I looked down at the newspaper on the bar and saw two more familiar faces: Ben and Emily’s home was profiled in the Citizen Times’ weekly feature, and I must admit to a pang of jealousy that they’ve got that roof over their heads while we’re still figuring out what sort of roof we’ll have, and where, and how. All in good time, true, but it is hard to be patient.

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City mouse, country mouse

Under the deep gloom of a storm front, it feels earlier than 9AM. Downtown is quiet, though hardly empty. Families dash across streets between bursts of light traffic, holding hands and clutching bags. The wind hasn’t picked up enough yet to foil the map-reading tourists at the corner, and the cool grey light might even enhance their vacation snapshots.

Walking past a park, I get a faint whiff of trampled onion grass. A dogwood has only just started to unfurl a few of its iconic, four-petaled flowers. Most of the winter’s salt and sand has been swept from these roads (the bike lanes in my neighborhood are another matter!), and the sidewalks match the color of the sky.

As we devise this future life of ours, we generate more questions than answers. A big one that we haven’t resolved yet, and one that will affect every other aspect of our plan, is simple: where? We thought we’d pegged that when we made the move (back) to western NC–though, as it turns out, that wasn’t an answer at all. We simply altered the context of the question, without getting any closer to its resolution.

We have to find a way to match the raw edges of fantasy and reality before this thing can come together. The fantasy, in one of its most extreme forms, is isolationist, conforming to some bucolic ideal (which likely has never existed), with a dose of classic American rugged individualism folded in. We’d be two hardy homesteaders, coaxing sustenance from our holdings, persevering by the sweat of our brows and the quick of our wits. Could we do it? Sure, probably. Maybe. Is it realistic, or even the best choice? Nah. Chalk it up to evolution–we are social creatures, by genetic imperative (even crotchety introverts like we two). Chalk it up to progress–many of the skills employed by our frontier forerunners in similar situations have been lost. Chalk it up to modern living and a currency-based economy–you can’t pay student loans in barter, and a garden, however lush, doesn’t produce dollar bills. Fact is, we’d have to come down off that fantasy mountain on a regular basis–for jobs (however part-time), to buy what we can’t produce, to visit the far-flung network of dear friends and family, to get our teeth cleaned. And driving to and from our sustainable fantasy holding kind of takes the “sustainable” out of it.

Letting go of this idea about living where I can’t see anyone else’s lights brings a little pang, I’ll admit. Even though it makes sense, has always made sense. Fantasy-brain doesn’t abide by the rules of logic-brain, and we’ll need them both to cooperate to make this thing happen.

So, if the solution is closer in, the question becomes how close? The shelves of your local bookstore–not to mention the vast reaches of the internet–are rife with accounts of folks doing revolutionary things in downtown apartments, on urban lots, and in suburban neighborhoods. The idea of the homestead has grown beyond that fantasy piece of land; it’s sprawled into paved and well-lit places, evolved to work in places it hasn’t before. And well it should–cities aren’t going away any time soon, and the people living in them are only getting more populous.

I’ve been trolling real estate ads, even though we’re not in a position to act on anything just yet. There’s been land for sale mere biking distance from downtown. Not huge swaths of land, and certainly not isolated. But land enough, and the more I think about it, the more appealing this marriage of city and country gets. Having my little piece of off-grid (or nearly so), waste-reducing, food-producing, calm-inducing haven, and keeping my community bike rides, my trips to the pub, my gas-free work commute? That just might trump every other version of the fantasy.

And, really, if the point (or one of the points) of doing this is to show that it can be done, to maybe inspire other folks to move to a lower-impact way of living, why not do it in a place that’s more like where so many other people live? Sprawl is sprawl, even if it’s well-intentioned. For my doses of true isolation, I can still strap on a backpack and sleep under a tarp.

Because it’s stuck in my head (again):

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No better time to ride

As the weather warms, the streets of Asheville are becoming positively lousy with bicycles. While there’s certainly no shortage of winter riders here, there are far more fair-weather peddlers. Last Saturday, some 170 of them gathered for the Bike of the Irish, an annual ride organized by Asheville on Bikes. The route was planned to celebrate the greenways and other bicycle-friendly and multimodal transportation improvements made by the city in recent years. We rode at a gentle pace for two hours, with frequent stops. Kids on their own bikes, parents pulling kids in trailers, people riding fancy bikes, people riding yard sale bikes, fast people, slow people, young, old… they were all there, riding their city. Organizations like AoB are doing work that makes me fall in love with my bike all over again, and–maybe more importantly–gets folks in the saddle who might not otherwise ride.

I rode home tonight in a light rain. For those who don’t ride, inclement weather is usually the first question that comes up. But honestly? At the end of my day, when my destination is home, it doesn’t really matter if I get wet. I can dress to keep myself dry if I have to, but why bother when the rain feels so good and I’m can easily hang my clothes up to dry as soon as I get home?

I’ve recently discovered the website Utility Cycling, and I want to pass it along to you. This is precisely the sort of cyclist I am, along with so many others. We won’t be winning (or even entering!) any races any time soon. We don’t bomb down trails and take sweet jumps. We’re not in training for anything in particular. We don’t wear lycra. And most of all, we don’t have to load our bikes onto the car and drive to where we will ride. We ride here, in our town, to work or to the store or to the pub or just for the heck of it. We might also do those other things, those trail-y, race-y, “real” bike rider-y things, but mostly we just get from point A to point B under our own power.

I can’t recommend that highly enough.

If you are–or are thinking about becoming–our sort of rider, check out Utility Cycling’s tips for riding in the rain, or reasons to bike commute with your kids, or about how a Portland, OR, bicycle delivery service is helping combat hunger in and very local, sustainable way. All good stuff.

Or just enjoy how this guy puts his cargo bike to use. My dogs approve…

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Intertidal

The clinic’s front desk is
a seawall
pounded in
fifteen minute intervals
by we broken vessels.

The bay is full
the tide in flow.

Around me
one bails water
one threads a lifering
over needle-thin shoulders.

All want to dock
trade
lurching decks
for solid footing.

The bailing woman’s bucket
is a thimble
she is about to be swamped
and does not know how to swim.

My little boat rocks
and anyway
only has room for one.

Ashore,
you
query tide charts
wind speeds
food stores.
I
tell you I have seen
an albatross,
can think of little else.

You offer me a sextant
trace latitudes
say nothing about

white wings
against grey skies.

A wave crests
breaks
becomes the next wave
and the next.

My sea is never still.

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Love, Spring

These days, maples and cardinals flare a giddy scarlet against still-brown woods, bright reminders that only the last wisps of winter remain. Down on the warmer side of the mountain, fat white masses of Bradford pears cluster like sheep at every field’s edge. Gaudy pink magnolias blush to be seen, and the forsythia is already discarding her golden petals, having worn them long enough.

Tonight, I couldn’t stand it any longer and snatched up a bouquet of double daffodils from a bed in front of the house. Gay in a cracked blue vase, they are a tiny perfumed sun on my desk, drawing the eye and exhaling sweetness into the room.

The spare room smells ever so slightly of good, clean dirt when I open the door. Besides the blue bin tucked into a corner, it’s the only sign that worms are at work.

My triceps grumbled ever so slightly this week, after I gave the yard an intense spring cleaning. (Yes, raking leaves is a fall chore, technically. But I look at it this way: if I wait until spring to do it, I only do it once–I’m guaranteed that no more leaves will fall. Of course, they’re also liable to be waterlogged and heavy, but sometimes laziness trumps logic.)

With the time change, I’m getting off work while it’s still light out. I get to watch the sunset play over the river on my way home, peach overlaid on jade. I feel like I’m getting away with something.

Last week, I rode my bike through warm and sunny weather; I rode in fog and in light rain. I also rode home one evening in pelting sleet, propelled by a brisk headwind. With the wrong gloves on. The sheer amount of cussing (in cadence!) I did really doesn’t mean I love spring any less.

This is my first Appalachian spring in a decade.

In New Mexico, spring comes as wind–maddening, stinging, unrelenting, desert wind. Spring’s wind drives scouring dust, then a fortune of paper coins as the Chinese elms drop their seeds. Later come the cottonwood’s clinging, downy puffs, and the chartreuse pollen sifted onto car hoods and into irritated lungs. All of it sticks in your hair, pin-pricks your skin, drifts around the doors and windows you can’t help but open to the new warmth in the air. The season always enchants, intoxicates, thrills… but like everything else about the high desert, the New Mexico spring has a cutting edge.

Spring here is a thing I want to fall into. I remember this–of course I remember this–but I haven’t seen it for so long, there’s a newness to it. I’m being reminded of things I never forgot, amazed by things I already knew to be exceptional.

When the woods are wet, they borrow from New Mexico’s playbook, boasting silently about all the lovely shades simple old brown can be. A cap of fog, or a fractured cloud ushering in one lonely sunbeam, or a last, fleeting kiss of frost framing it all–these are just some of the ways early spring tells you she knows how stunning she is.

And she’s right.

After raking and hauling and digging in the yard, I shuck off my work pants and find twigs in my hair. My clothes are dirty-kneed and wet at hem and cuff. I have to leave my shoes on the porch, soles up. I fantasize about the mudroom we one day will have, and about Muck boots. Some girls want elegant footwear, with heels like smart daggers, clicking against concrete. I want my feet in something sturdy, walking over a wet pasture.

Spring knows; spring reminds. We get along, she and I.

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Composter. Worm Composter.

I think it’s safe to introduce my worms to the world–I have no data to back up my superstition, but I would expect bad worm karma to have struck in the first two weeks, if it were on its way. So far, so good.

While there do seem to be a few local worm suppliers, I ordered mine from Happy D Ranch. The reason? Better web presence. I’m a total newbie when it comes to worm composting, and that lack of knowledge and experience makes me a little shy. I appreciate the wealth of information on Happy D’s website, from bug identification to video guides covering set up, care, and feeding. Could a local worm farm without even a website have still been a rich and trustworthy source of information? Absolutely. I’m not saying this is the best or only approach; it’s just the one I was comfortable with.

In preparation for my worms’ arrival, I gathered a few basic supplies. After fruitlessly checking my neighbors’ curbside offerings on trash day and the stock at the thrift store and the Habitat Home Store for a suitable container, I Big Boxed it. I picked up one of those large plastic storage bins for $4.99. I had a minor moral crisis there in the aisle, pondering how it was that such a resource-intense product could possibly cost me only five bucks. The label claimed 99% recycled! but I still didn’t feel great about the purchase. Regardless, my worms needed a home, and I didn’t already own anything suitable. Onward.

Since there are already any number of great how-tos out here on the web, I’ll not go into great detail here. If you want more in-depth information, ask Google, or just buy Worms Eat My Garbage, the classic on the subject.

It didn’t take long to put the bin together. After drilling a few air and drainage holes, I collected and smashed some leaves from the yard (I knew there was a reason I put off all that raking back in the fall!) and raided the recycling bin for newsprint to shred. I did this all by hand without much trouble–the warm, dry weather made for brittle and easily-crumbled leaves, though beware the leaf-dust this generates. Wear a mask if you don’t want black boogers. I’ve read more than a few folks recommend shredding leaves with a lawnmower, and one even suggested driving over them repeatedly with your car. Seems to miss the point of all this green-minded activity, but to each her own, I suppose.

After wetting down the bedding and adding a few handfuls of dirt from the yard, I was ready to peek into the bag of worms the postman delivered:

Okay, so it doesn’t translate well to a slightly blurry cell phone photo… but trust me: when I brushed aside some of the dirt (?) they came in and saw actual live, wriggling, shiny, red worms, I might have squealed like a happy kid, just a little.

I nestled the little ones into their bedding, buried their first meal (roasted sweet potato skins leftover from making this utterly delicious soup), added a makeshift cardboard lid, and crossed my fingers. I pulled a half dozen or so worm corpses from the drain pan (also known as the lid that came with the bin) on the second day, but I’ve racked up no further body count since then.

Am I being scientific about this, weighing my kitchen waste and recording feedings? Nope. It’s a little more sloppy intuitive, but I think it will work out. I’ve marked my calender–at six weeks or so, I’ll probably have to change the bedding, which will give me a closer look at my new critters. Until then, I’m enjoying watching them wriggle away from the light when I pull back the bedding to drop in another meal. The bin is in our spare room, open to the rest of the house, and so far the dogs haven’t given it a second look. It doesn’t smell or leak or pose any sort of bother. I keep a spray bottle of water beside it to add some moisture to the bedding as needed.

It’s a little odd when I remember that there are living creatures in that bin–odd because they don’t make noise or shed or follow me around like the other non-human inhabitants of this house. They just hang out in the dark, being interesting and eating our scraps. They are welcome additions to the family.

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LoB gets in your eyes

Click for source.

About the only way I can stomach the news anymore is through the caustic-funny lens of The Daily Show. I don’t want to be completely unaware about what’s going on around me, but most of what I hear makes me gag, weep, or want to stab people–sometimes all three, simultaneously. Sharing an incredulous, wry, not at all funny laugh with Jon Stewart makes the information just palatable enough to get into my brain-mouth. Chew, swallow, digest. It’s better than unmitigated ignorance, but only just.

Surely you know what I mean. The infotainment masquerading as journalism is a shady circus of malfeasance, petty vengeance, and naked greed… and that’s just the personalities delivering the so-called news. Nevermind the facts of the world as they’re presented. Nevermind that most of what we hear–commercial breaks included–portrays a world in direct opposition to our values, to the actualities of the life we are trying to lead.

I call it the Litany of Bad. LoB, pronounced lob. Sounds a lot like blob, like something you’d find accumulated in an aromatic patty, something you’d notice a half-second after you’ve placed your foot squarely in it. Stinky, smelly LoB. Your mother always told you to take off your shoes so you don’t track the LoB all over the carpet. LoB–that fetid pile at the curb that no one wants to claim. LoB streams into your house all day, every day. You can unplug LoB’s electronic modes of transfer, but even then a little of the smell drifts in from the ambient air. LoB is everywhere.

As noxious as it is, LoB can become pastime. We’re all amateur LoB-ers, to varying degrees. As Paul Hawken points out in Blessed Unrest, “wrong is an addictive, repetitive story.” I do try occasionally to go cold turkey with my LoB habit, if only to preserve my own sanity and sometimes tenuous faith in the goodness of my fellow humans. For added benefit, I dose with LoB-antidotes–stories with happy endings, uplifting news, simple acts of creation and affirmation. One I tried recently was Hawken’s book. The paperback’s subtitle seemed surefire anti-LoB: How the Largest Social Movement in History Is Restoring Grace, Justice, and Beauty to the World. Sounds like the perfect LoB counter, no?

If only. Hawken’s book, while well-intentioned, doesn’t exactly live up to the warm, fuzzy expectations I had for it. I suppose it’s hard to write about all the organizations working for positive change in the world without addressing why the work is necessary, but I’d hoped for a little more silver in my lining.

Although he asserts in his first chapter that his book “is the story without apologies of what is going right on this planet… not defeatist accounts about the limits,” it reads mostly as its own Litany of Bad. Global, historical, long-standing, insidious Bad. Gag, cry, stab.

Important stuff, but not the antidote I was looking for. But, as Hawken points out, “what we already know frames what we see, and what we see frames what we understand.” Perhaps I’d have found this book more inspiring–indeed, many of the reviews I’ve read call it just that–if its recounting of corporate and institutional sins against people and the environment weren’t precisely what already occupies my LoB-addled brain. I know too much. Reading this book, I can’t see the million sprouts of good poking up through the ground in the shadow of all those dense, dark acres of bad. I’m wearing LoB-colored specs, and their lenses are the color of despair.

Fortunately, in the final pages, Hawken drew on the words of my spiritual rhetorician and cosmic drinking buddy David James Duncan for just the sort of LoB-funk-buster I needed. From his beautifully articulated book, God Laughs & Plays, he writes about how one small, lone individual can rightly behave in the face of such an enormous LoB. When the problems of the world seem insurmountable, is it completely fruitless–indeed, perhaps even a little foolish–to believe that my small actions can have any sort of impact? Duncan says no, and it’s the answer I need to hear, need to keep hearing, every day: “…the only spiritually responsible way I know to be a citizen, artist, or activist in these strange times is by giving little or no thought to ‘great things’ such as saving the planet, achieving world peace, or stopping neocon greed. Great things tend to be undoable things. Whereas small things, lovingly done, are always within our reach.”

So simple, light, and fresh. A real palate-cleanser. The bad taste of the LoB will continue to flavor any thinking person’s life; what we have to remember, and tell each other, is that our tiny, fierce, sincere, good acts still have meaning. Gardens matter. Disobeying the commercials’ orders to shop shop shop matters. Making your home more energy efficient because you love mountains matters. The big problems, the LoB problems, are way past human scale; their solutions aren’t going to be within the reach of any one person or family. But how each of us chooses to live is.

Salvation, in terms of “saving” the planet for ourselves and our continued dominion, isn’t the point. It might not even be possible. But redemption, making ourselves worthy of such an extraordinary existence as this one, demonstrating with our behavior that we value this world and what’s in it… that is within my reach, and yours. We don’t have control over much else. And that’s a far more happy, hopeful statement than it sounds. So carry on. Forget the LoB–or at least set it aside, as the stumbling block that it is.

What we’re really talking about here is a recalibration of how we see the world: put the big problems, the LoB, into soft focus. Blur it all out. It’s still there, but your attention, your energy, is wasted on worrying over it. Adjust your view until what you can reach and touch and change fills your vision. Now, act.

Recalibrate. It kind of feels like forgiveness, doesn’t it?

Today’s poem on the Writer’s Almanac is apropos. Read, enjoy. Now go do small things, lovingly.

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Wet ground

Holy moly, it’s spring! When did that happen?

There are pea shoots reaching for the window over my desk, worms quietly feasting in a dark bin in our spare room, and a list of garden plant suggestions sitting in my inbox. It’s been bare-arms warm here, and I’ve got a part-time job interview this week that has me dreaming in green. I’ll tell you more about that one once I know if the news is good or bad…

With the change in the weather, I’m already feeling behind, and my ambitious to-do list for a long weekend was sadly abbreviated by an untimely back injury. I’m on the mend, but realizing that some re-education is in order–both of the visit-to-the-Physical-Therapist and do-more-yoga variety, and of the slow down for the love of pete! kind.

I’m much better at the first sort, but working on the second.

A full introduction to our latest household members is coming, I promise. If I’m being completely honest, I’m waiting a few more days to make sure they don’t all go toes-up, or whatever the worm equivalent may be (so far, so good!). After that, we’ll be off to the races, talking gardens and solar and sustainability models.

For now, a seasonal poem:

_____

Daffodil

A joke
spring tells every year,
the same way.

Birds laugh, riotous
morning voices
bright
as petals
throats open to
new sun
and silver dew.

Daffodil:
gold dust
smelling of worn plastic.
A simple-plain
handful of cheer
in a red cup.

After cold
and frost and dark
all of us breathing smoke
for months
it might be the only thing
anyone needs:

A reason to smile
sprung up from
wet ground
and last year’s work.

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